Hell Ride

Home | Liber 131 | Hell Ride | The Old and Dusty Archive | My wifey’s blog (Mad Diviner)


01-9-2019 30th Aire - TEX w/ Scribe

31:30 – Preparing. Didn’t have the means to prepare the Watchtower Ceremony. Went without.

21:39 – LBRP, TEX. [Redacted] Scribing.(My comments in parens)

A gate with a rounded arch. (Meaning a rounded top part of the frame)

The left side open towards me, the right to the inside. (Cracked slightly.) Light shines through. Green and red gems adorn the gate. I can’t move (towards it).

A waist high pillar (of dark marble-like stone; almost black) with a glass quill pen (orange and red) on it.

A smiling angel appears between pillar and gate.

(He indicates that) I must stab myself with the pen. I do. Pen turns green. Gate gems glow white. Gate opens. I hear crowds (on the other side) saying “O ye heavens, arise!”

(Inside is) a golden carpet with green designs, which extends almost to the horizon. Stands on both sides filled with people. (Around midway) 4 candle holders on its sides, forming a square. Another carpet meets them (perpendicularly); two gates on left and right.

At end of path, wooden throne, with golden elements. No silver in sight. The upholstery on the throne is red.


I find myself sitting on the throne – Time Dilation (fast).

It’s as if the throne stood outside of time. Outside of it’s “bubble”, the area starts deteriorating, breaking down. But soon a new civilization rebuilds it. And another. And another. And another. In a fraction of a second, millennia have passed, and yet they persist in worship.

Michael on right. Gabriel on left.They say “The faith is one” (i.e. current). (meaning) All this effort to find what and who we are, but that is insignificant – without their assistance, it is nearly impossible to break out or gain insight. But that only applies for the average man, which is what Enochian was originally supposed to do.

Asking re: pen, they say “Transfer of Unity”. [Scribe] = intrinsic part of the process. Must stay until the 13th Aire, at least.

Then they say “The gates to OXO are open all the way”, but that we should continue aethyr by aethyr.

22:02 – Close, with XXV.

02-9-2019 29th Aire – RII

21:00 – Quick prep for RII.

Opening by Watchtower, RII w/19th, then Inv. Governors: VASTRIM, ODRAXTI, GMTZIAM.

WT. Feeling light touches over my body. Neck, ankles, and back. Like everything is sort of “tense”. (this had happened before, but I thought I’d note this explicitly from now on – it actually started when rending the veil)

19th. Impromptu oration/ invocation of the Governors. (I made it up as I went along once the Aethyr felt open – this is significant, because this is the first time I’ve had open-eyed flashes of light. I’ve had CEV’s before, but this time, I had a non-comprehensible image burned into my retinas for a good 15-20 seconds) (the invocation isn’t included, as I was focused to the point of not being able to write – scribe was indisposed sadly)

— Come, move and appear thou spirits governing the parts of Her, V., O., G.

~ We’re here.

— Th (I was cut off)

A cube appears, Transluscent yet shining, and it splits into a hypercube, and there is a yelling

“Death unto thee, profaner, excellent! Let him die a thousand deaths, and ten thousand deaths and undeaths, let his memory be defaced, and all things eternal forget hHis creations, untrue as they are”

— What meaneth this, O Lords of the Parts?

~ We know (not?), yet choose not to answer

— By B.N., speak. If it appears, it’s significant, is it not so?

~ No. Thou art low, and these echos fill and deliver suffering unto those who need it. This (is) Binah, yet not. The averse of mindfulness — thought.

— The “black kettle” of AMRSh?

~ It is so. Let it redeem itself.

I see white angels w/ golden wings, and they wait for my command.

I know (or feel like) this is staged for my benefit. I motion them to proceed, and there is silence.

The VOG put their hands on my chest, and I feel joy in my heart. Relief.

Closing, as prescribed.

03-9-2019 28th Aire – BAG

NOTE: Footnotes are written in the next day. Some are from memory, and additional commentary from a quick analysis by Fr. A. Notes in parentheses are my additions to the manuscript right after we closed the temple.

Watchtower Ceremony, 19th, inv. Governors (impromptu)


There’s a sphere, shifting between light and dark, illuminated much like earth. Smaller spheres orbit it. Stars appear in the background. All of this is happening in a cube. And then everything becomes smaller and smaller, and the cube itself.

Cube is in a bright white room like a lab (?) with silver elements around.

There are white-clad angels walking through corridors casually.

In room w/ cube, an older gentle-faced female angel turns to me, opens her mouth, which transforms into terrible jaws as if she will bite me.

An eye in her mouth.

The white features of the environment turn dark and red.


“Silence be unto thee!” – and everything freezes (in ice) when I say that

. I look around, see (I’m in) a spaceship in orbit around the sphere. The one in cube is a copy of it.

Cube starts unfolding or replicating (like a tesseract going through mitosis). Infinity of different outcomes.

A lightning bolt crashes through the original cube, and takes a single path through its “children” (unfolded cubes).

I see Raphael above, wielding a lightning bolt like Zeus. (A sense that) he quenched a rebellion.

— What’s going on here?

~ R: This is purgatory. The elemental planes of chaos, where things begin starting to take order. And everything that is this base/ primitive must have order forced on it, otherwise it’ll succumb to entropy.

Thunderbolt turns to sword. He is now Michael. Shield appears with seven-fold star, enclosed – each outside angle w/e straight lines. It is dark vibrant green w/ red dot in center.

I hear again “O ye heavens!”

There is an opening in space; same shape of portal (archway). Brilliant white light shines through. I go through.

It is similar but much smaller than the one in TEX. All made of gold and covered in red w/ brown carpet. Chamber is built on a Greek cross, about 40 paces across.

There is a gold chandelier, with diamonds and rubies in it.

I stand at entrance, see three spirits.

One on the left side in left quarter. One on right side, one to the right across chamber.

On the left is a green scaly sphere, elongated vertically, with two eyes on stalks (like a snail), mouth between them. Short but thin legs that end like a frog’s. No arms, fins instead.

Across and to the right looks like a bird-snake-badger chimera.

Directly on the right is a bear with tusks and a spiny tail.

They want to speak, but can’t – gibberish noise comes out.

I go to cross center.

— Come to the center.

They do, and they change shape; they look like regular angels (as in popular pictures).

They speak with one voice, but I can’t hear the words.

What they mean is that they mix and match the elements, to find order in the children of chaos. I point to the empty quarter, they see it is blue, within it a symbol appears (letter C with two short strokes on the middle outside part).

To the left of it, a yellow door, made of prison bars. There is a male blond angel (35ish?) grabbing at the bars.

Angel: release me!

— What for?

~ A: I have been imprisoned for eternity, for bringing light into the waters that may nourish the minds and souls. It was the right thing to do, but it broke the balance (Scribe originally wrote “bounds”.) and all fell into disarray. And unto him that is Fallen, I proclaim vengeance, for restriction is not good enough.

I understand at this point, that even angels can be brought low enough to lose themselves in chaos.

(long pause between this and next – absolute sense of peace, like a deep dissolution of being/ identity? “I” was still present, but everything was just so incredibly comfy)

It’s very peaceful.

The whole environment froze in place, as if time stopped.

Hand on my shoulder.

I turn around, see a terrible angel (in medieval/ renaissance armor and flaming jaws) who stabs me w/ massive sword, under my sternum, clean through. I recognize it is Gabriel.


He takes a more pleasant form, but is still very angry at me.

– What was that for?

~ G: dealing with slaves.

– What slaves?

~ G: Those possessed by the illusion

— Why?

I see Gabriel close the portal and another gate shut in front of my face. Sense of laughter and joy

Feeling of certainty nonetheless – confidence that they’ll sort things out with Michael, and it’ll be none of my concern.


04-9-2019 27th Aire – ZAA


XXV, Watchtower Ceremony, 19th, inv. Governors

Flat plane. White brilliant gate. I pass through. Greenery. Hill, forest, clearing. Blue berries on bushes. Large woman-shaped monster with yellow eyes and sharp fangs. Arachnid-like. Long, snake-like tongue. Rage and fear in her eyes.

Project cross onto her, and she shrinks. Dark hair, almost jet-black. She’s still fearful.

– Sing with me.

She’s reluctant.

> Palali Elohim > El-ha Elohim > Rapha Elohim > Rapha Elohim > Palali Rapha-El

I repeat this a few times. She just cowers. Raphael appears. In battle armor, though no cowl.

– What is this?

~ R: The dark woods of symphony.

– Why sympho – (I get it. They teach how to work together)

~ R: Yes.

– What am I to learn here?

~ R: Use her.

– Why?

~ R: Stop asking questions. This is why you’re late.

(Binding with the Names and Water pentagram)

She transforms into a beautiful harpy, and I see her bound onto a wheel, and her wings break and fall off, as if her flesh gives in.

– What is that for?

~ R: Save her. You bound her to your will, it’s your fault – this is your doing.

– Water -> Maim, Hanged Man, eh? (Also Ίυγγες)

~ R: Precisely. The details matter. Where do harpies live?

I use the appropriate names and pents. She recovers, and the wheel disappears.


– What is your name?

I see a stream of symbols. Eventually I make out [redacted]. Difficult to get the name right.

– Do you have a seal?


– Okay, so what’s the lesson here, R?

~ R: Courage. The knowledge you seek is printed. What you lack is the experience. We’ll give you that, and hopefully, we can go further soon.

– What was that with Gabriel?

R turns into G.

~ G: You’re retarded and irresponsible.

– Why did you show me that then?

~ G: It’s not like we can control everything all the time!

– [Redacted]

~ G: Your own nature attracted the critters. You should have known better.

– And yet.

~ G: At least you got some experience.

– I suppose that is true. What now?

~ G: Why not try out your new pet?

– What is she?

~ G: A [redacted]

– You’re shitting me.

~ G: Not at all. Redeeming the fallen – or not yet (ordered) ascended is a critical part of the process, O [redacted].

– Come on. How do I know you’re not just pretending to be G.?

~ G: Bind me.


– I see. So is the gate open up to OXO?

~ G: Yes.

– Anything I should know?

~ G: Take things slow and steady. Skipping around is permissible. Make sure you stop in ZIM, NIA, POP, and TOR. Others are not so important.

– What should I do about H.?

~ G: Give her a conventional name, for one. It’ll keep her bound securely [redacted]. And obviously, use her – excellent messenger, among other things.

– Anything else?

~ G: No. Make sure to bind her well. It is easy for [redacted] to lose sight.

[redacted large part]

~ R: Happy?

– Not sure. It feels made up. Imaginary.

~ R: It is. But it is also real. That spirit you used? It is nothing like what you see or imagine. Neither am I, or the hill, or the grass. You’re in the matrix, and to process what’s outside would bring madness.

– I see.

~ R: What can I do for you?

– Please just let me go and rest. This is exhausting, and I don’t think I can handle more.

~ R: Very well. Sleep well.

– Thanks.


05-9-2019 26th Aire – DES


XXV, WT, 19th, Inv. Govs. DES – 26th

WT – lightheaded, drowsy, already trancing out.

19th – DES

Left Green \ Black (white appears in the middle)

A floating cube, whose vertices move freely. On it are angels, or spirits, which seem to use it for transportation. The one in front has brilliant white wings, but I can tell it’s a renegade. He waves to me, and I can tell his name starts with R.

– Do I know you?

~ R: Perhaps not. What are you doing here.

And then I behold three gigantic, terrifying figures, each grasping a planet in its hands, and supporting themselves on them.

~ Silence. You have profaned His Providence.

I smirk at him.

– Seems you fucked up. Don’t worry though, it ain’t that bad.

He seems to want to fight, but resigns, and drops his head. The giants reach out to him, and as they approach they become smaller, until they’re no more than angels.

Before they do, R hands me an 8-pointed white star with a brilliant white gem in it. It glows and is beautiful.

– What is this?

The “giants” indicate it’s mine.

– But what is this?


They take R through a portal, and I am alone.

Invoking POPHAND.

I see a lanky but muscular cyclop. He has a great bit skull, with grey skin and red patches on larger muscles.

~ P: Who art thou to summon me at this time of day? (night?)

– It is I, [redacted], I have come to learn, equalize, and bring all my faculties to God’s pleasure and satisfaction.

~ P: Show me.

I bind in names &c. He becomes as an angel.

~ P: Pretty good. (Golf clap) Could refine your technique, but this is great.

– Why do you take these forms when I first meet you?

~ P: A reflection of your own residues and imperfections. You may not see it, but we don’t change much – at least us angels don’t. Instead, you align and restrict your perspective in line with providence. Thus any number of magicians can “reify” our image and grow.

– Ingenious.

~ P: Yes.

– What is important for me to know, understand, or do?

~ P: “Bind” as many as you can. Non-incarnates, of course. With each, pray duly and ensure it is within Providence.

~ P: To this end, there is a trick.

He extends his hand, and snaps his fingers. There are now three of him. They raise their hands, and the light makes a triangle.

~ P: Purity, Love, Life.

A point of light appears in the center.

~ P: Joy. If you approach situations with joy, they’ll be easier. All other emotions are forbidden, lest you enjoy risking our affection.

– I don’t plan on risking it, but I may. The long road before me is fraught with danger.

~ P: I understand.

– What is this star?

~ P: It will turn dark when you stray. You will know, and we will know.

– Thanks, I guess. This is exhausting.

~ P: Go. But let me [redacted]


06-9-2019 25th Aire – VTI




– COme thou forth, and speak truth unto me, and let there be no part omitted. (+)

He’s silent.

– What’s the matter?

He points and I see a beautiful sunrise over a savannah, and buildings in the distance.

This place was underwater before.

– Let us move to water then. (Pent. Water)

– Speak then.

~ M: What wouldst thou know?

– What’s relevant to my understanding.

~ M: Silence, therefore, and suffering.

The waters of torment are called such for their loss. It is pain. There is no joy when existence is suffering.

– Say you so? Fool. An angel at the gallows of causality?

– Come, and let’s restore thy joy.

[Redacted – basically binding the entire space]

~ M: Thank you.

– Sure. Couldn’t you do that yourself?

~ M: Yes. Yet I was blinded and scared, and the loss scarred me.

– Are you ok?

~ M: Yes.

– Can you solve your own problems from now on?

~ M: Absolutely.

– Good. Can you do me a favor?

~ M: Yes. Bind me that I may serve in joy.


~ M: Thank you.

He disappears. There is a flock of giants, with scales, but not lizard-like, who move in the distance. They seem calm, exploring the new environment.

[inv. Raphael]

~ R: Didn’t take you too long, did it?

– Nope.

~ R: You must be careful. Danger is afoot. When binding spirits, use the Black Cross – naught else will do.

– The four names?

~ R: They only imply the black cross. Use this.


– Do you think I can skip aethyrs?

~ R: No. Take your time, this is no race. I understand you’re scared of boredom, but you must take this lesson. You’re doing well, but impatience will be your undoing.

– Understood. What then?

~ R: More?

– I’m tired.

~ R: So you are.

– Look man, I’m resting. What do you want me to do?

~ R: Push harder?

– In what direction?

~ R: Up.

I look up, and see thousands of birds eclipsing the sun.

~ R: Elementals.

– How do you identify them?

~ R: I brought them here. Rectify them, then you’re free to go.


The birds fall out of the sky as if dead. They then glow, and float up into the air, now being orderly and good.

~ R: Good job.

– Really?

~ R: No. That was basic. I wanted you to humor me.

– I’m confused.

~ R: So you are. Farewell.


07-9-2019 24th Aire – NIA

22:52 – Super tired and distracted today.

LBRP. Open portal. 19th.

White. Grey. Yellow. Trees. Path throu forest. Birds above. Blue birds. Green feather. White again.

White figure. Man. Extends his right hand. Stars take form. His eyes ablaze, but he smiles.

– Who are you?

~ The creator of all.

I test. He changes. A faun, of all things. He has a Pan-flute, but isn’t Pan.

– Who are you?

F – You, yet you realize not. All forms I may take as need be, and in all planes and places I sing unto the Glory of Most High.

– Strange place for that.

F – Come thou forth, and follow.

He leads me through the forest.

F – How does it feel to bind yourself?

– I feel no different.

F – And yet! There is a mystical medium which does good on all things.

– It seems I do need answers.

F – Sure do.

– What do I need to know?

F – Nothing. From me, at least.

– What should I do?

F – Listen.

I hear the oracle singing in a clearing. Can’t make out words.

O – You came.

F – And look who I brought.

O – Impossible! This early?

I get suspicious. Test. – clarify.

The scene changes. Both are dust and bones. I have a splitting headache.

[inv. Raphael]

~ R: What do you want?

– Clarify.

~ R: All is dead. Let it rest.

– I am dead tired.

~ R: Would you like to sleep?

– Yes please.

He decapitates me. I find myself in a sunny, grassy place near a river. Animals abound, etc.

~ R: Is this what you wanted to see?

– No.

~ R: What do you want?

– Answers. Truth. Power, I suppose. Out of the illusion.

~ R: No such thing.

– Say you so?

~ R: No. Just riling you up.

– What now?

~ R: You’re in no state.

– Is what [redacted] said true about the G.D. approach?

~ R: Yes and no. On one hand, it will work, as we always come to those true to their hearts. On the other, no, for even the tablets have an expiry date. Cultures change. Men change. What used to be enough, just isn’t. But that isn’t bad. Do not be discouraged. Simply, learn and adapt.

– Should I pursue the Ben Rowe lead?

~ R: No. Yesterday was to demonstrate. There are other things at work.

– This honestly feels like a waste.

~ R: It isn’t. We see you try, and will reward you all the more for it.

– I see. This is exhausting.

~ R: Then rest. I shall keep you safe.

(time passes)

~ R: Meditate like so daily, hourly, as needed. It shall rejuvenate thee and keep thy wisdom on the forefront.

– Understood.


08-9-2019 23th Aire – TOR

No record transcribed.

09-9-2019 22th Aire – LIN

No record transcribed.

10-9-2019 21th Aire – ASP

This actually happened just around 1AM on the 11th. Not 10th, because I had a massive migraine, and took some DPH for it. I slept for over 20 hours on the 10th.


Simplified WT, 19th, etc.

Treason – the word appears. Beltzega – Another. Ieoyzad – another.

– What does this mean?

And I hear a distant voice – “decode it”

Treason = 395

Beltzega = 136

Ieoyzad = 33

– I don’t know what this means.

~ Treason is the highest virtue.

I doubt, project the Holy Names, binding the (nose suddenly becomes very runny at this point) aethyr space

– Speak the truth

~ Loyalty to the end

– Yet…

~ Only when prudent.

– How so?

~ Consistency is the bane of reason.

– Who are you?

Before me appears from the shadows a very slim figure with large eyes and very long fingers.

~ I am Him.

– Who?

~ HIM. That’s the name itself?

– Is that a pun?

~ A divine one.

– Good. Show me the truth of this aethyr.

And I see War. And War. And War. And every time the creatures here in the outskirts thought it safe, they were wrong.

– Is there any purpose to me being here?

~ You tell me.

~ Embracing the Messian, huh?

– Even if it’s just in my head… why not? It’s not gay or anything.

He laughs.

~ No. Of course not. We wouldn’t want the snake and serpent coiling in unison, though.

– Oh. Is this good enough?

~ Yes. Go up. You’re tired.

– Before I go…



11-9-2019 20th Aire – CHR

22:45 – WT, 19th (20th – CHR)

Darkness. Green flower. Yellow inside. Red seed pod. Blue seeds.

Mauve floods my vision. I see Orange lightning, here and there, as if reality itself was cracking and healing, the car tissue “falling off” almost immediately.

There is a great roar, and I see a great beast, with a devil’s head, a man’s body, and the legs of a great big goat… or horse?

And he is bound in infinitely long chains, and though the lightning doesn’t strike him, he’s clearly in pain.

~ Release me. Kill me. Destroy me.

He cries, having gone mad from aeons of torture.

I bind. Onto me, to God, etc. Turns into an angel holding a lyre.

– What is your name?


– Anything more… pronouncable?

~ R. [also redacted]

– Fair enough. What were you bound for?

~ R: Refusing to heal.

– What drove you to that?

~ R: Lack of hope. I’d been bound to refuse aid, and came out scarred.

– Can’t fool nature.

~ R: Really can’t.

– So what is here for me?

~ R: Let me play you a song.

And he plays. And though I can’t hear it, I feel it rejuvenating me, from my heart outwards.

And the space becomes a beautiful green, and yellow, calming and soothing.

And then, he cuts me open, and and seemingly removes dirt and cancers, tumors and bad shit from my upper body. Cut through neck (significant?)

I conjure Raphael. Says [redacted] is one of his “Lost Sons.” Strange.


12-9-2019 19th Aire – POP

15:01 – LBRP, WT (simplified), 19th. POP

Sky blue. Black spot. Right. Star – 11 points. In it an eye. Black and white. The eyelashes number 42, and the iris is split into 10 rings, each ring subdivided into many parts.

4, 12, 24, 39, 42… 72, 108, 306, 421, 1 (all black outside), all white sclera. And each subdivision is more and more colorful.

And I see in this darkness it belongs to Athena, standing with the owl and scales, a sword on her back, and a rucksack over it, as if she’s not to battle, but to execute those she finds wanting.

I stand on her shoulder and climb down onto the scales. (She’s giant)

The scales move not, the other side is empty. She puts a weight on the other side, and the chain breaks.

~ I find you worthy. Proceed.

And she opens her mouth, and I climb inside, and find her throat a gate, which opens.

There is a party in there. Satyrs, fauns, Nymphs, driads and all sorts of beings.

A single angel. Looks like Raphael.

– What are you doing here?

~ R: Waiting for you?

– Why?

~ R: Drink to your heart’s content, and we’ll go.

(I get distracted. Refocusing)

I drink and drink and eat, and it is intoxicating. Kundalini. I feel actually drunk.

– Let’s go.

  1. opens a gate in space, and I see a small army. Bound in iron and spears and shields. At the end is a throne of Iron and steel, with Red-gold banners, two on each side.

~ R: Get to the throne. Claim it, or fail forever.

The soldiers attack me. I seem to be invulnerable. They hit, but it reflects.

I see the LBRP working. I do it again. The 4 Angels escort me to the throne.

They take their places under each banner.

G, U, Th, R, M.

I sit on the throne. The army falls silent.

I stand, they kneel.

– What was that?

~ R: A taste of victory.

– You hand-held me through it.

~ R: Yet on your command.

– I suppose. What now?

~ R: Give orders.

[redacted – largely personal stuff, half of which has since come to pass – this being typed up just 3 days later]

– Go there, then, in the Names etc.



13-9-2019 18th Aire – ZEN



White. Lavender tint. Yellow. Star. In space. Asteroids, like a belt. Stretches around a brown planet. Mars/ Saturn?

Saturn. I see the hexagon on the pole. I see silvery angels around me. They carry a platinum crown, with 6 gems. Diamond, Sapphire, Emerald, Yellow one, Ruby, Diamond.

I am in an invisible throne room. I know where things are, but I cannot see.

“Kneel” I hear. I see a congregation of old-timey King figures, in rich and beautiful garments and robes, and a hooded figure in a grey-purple robe standing behind them.

I kneel, and my body freezes. I feel a sword touch my left, then right shoulder, twice each.

Then I feel the crown.

“Stand up!” I do, and am presented with a beautiful sword made of silver, with a golden hilt and rubies and gems set in it. The pommel is a crescent of silver, pointing outwards.

– Thank you graciously, but what is this?

The kings are silent. The Magus speaks. But I hear not. A peace comes about. Ringing in my ears.

I feel the Serpent rising, as if my body is burning from within. There is almost a shrieking sound.

(Time passes)

Eventually I regain focus. The Magus is reciting some sort of mantra.

Filled with joy.

He sees that I am returned but doesn’t stop. The hall shakes with each word, yet he only whispers.

One by one, the Kings join in. There are 12. They sing of birth, death, and rebirth before death, and I’m in the middle.

I feel serene deep inside, but on the outside I am undone. Each verse, though unintelligible, pierces through my being, like shards of ice which melt and suck away poison.


And the Magus approaches and removes my heart, and the blood stains his hands, and he squeezes it over a chalice, and the Kings drink but a little, and he gives me the chalice, and It tastes like honey.

And he reaches out for the heart again, yet the heart is as of gold, or a golden crystal, and he places it back, a ruby in its center (core).

~ M: Go now, and fare thee well.

– Vision ends –


14-9-2019 17th Aire – TAN

21:23 – TAN (17th)

WC, 19th.

I’m sitting on a throne of iron and steel. Hall from the Athena vision. The Archangels stand under their banners, and all is silent.

A messenger runs in – a courier.

– Speak.

C – Majesty! The (unintelligible) have declared war on us! What do we do?

– Go and rest. Uriel?

~ U: Yes?

He says that with a sly smile. I don’t like this at all.

(Testing all)

The space transforms – I’m in a white hall. Throne and angels are still there. Everything is of either white stone or crystal, except the checkerboard floor.

The angels stand on small raised circles, and the banners are strange – transparent, but tangibly emanating force.

– Uriel.

He steps my way.

– What do I not know that I should?

~ U: That all this is a play.

– I know that.

~ U: No. You only know as data, information. You have to know it as a woman.

– So many ways to interpret that.

~ U: But only one correct. Why don’t you play? Learn of joy and pleasure.

– How do I best do that?

~ U: Open up a little. More, and more, and more. Let others not bring you down, but direct thy joy ever higher.


– I can’t do that.

~ U: Then struggle with all your might. You will not succeed.

– But you will. We both know you can get it done. create circumstances where [redacted].

~ U: Do not mistake fealty for subservience.

– What do you suggest I do then?

~ U: It is unknown. Perhaps another Angel may be of help?

– Raphael.

~ R: Perhaps. It is possible.

– Make it happen.

~ R: Yes.

– Also [redacted]. Thank you.

~ R: Appreciate the praise.

– Yeah, yeah. Give me the truth.

~ U: You need to keep on going. No excuses.

– Yeah but what’s the lesson in this here and now?

~ U: Knock on many doors. A single failure is no indicator.

– Okay.

The 4 stand around me and start chanting. My body goes gray, and I feel lightning on my skin. Fire in my guts. Each heartbeat a thunder. Each thought a flood of waves on the world around me.

I see a light above. Lightning strikes me. I see a golden (sol symbol) on my chest. A (mars symbol) on my right shoulder. (jupiter) on left. Etc.

~ You are now man perfected.

~ All hail MAD, ADM, DMA, MDA, DAM

– What?

~ Rejoyce, for thee are chosen. Yet falter not, for once only do we knock.

I see a vision of a white gate. Then it disappears. Vision abruptly ended.


15-9-2019 16th Aire – LEA

23:58 LBRP (enhanced), 19th

(Right) Large pressure in my head. Yellow, red inside, then black. And left, an eye in a triangle.

Staring, Gazing.

– What are you?

It blinks. Nothing.

It passes, but doesn’t change.

The triangle unfolds. Each triangle has an eye. This wall of eyes stares. As if waiting for something.

I hear each of my thoughts reflected unto me by it.

“Fall silent”

I do. All those thoughts become a column in my chest. Can’t write. Too noisy.

(time passes – I sit in silence)

Eventually one of the eyes gives in and develops a mouth.

~ T: What would you have me say?

– What are you?

~ T: The Watchers.

– What do you do?

~ T: Observe and witness.

– What for?

~ T: To prevent those who may be lost from moving forward.

– What would you have me do?

~ T: Stop. But you won’t. We know ye.

– How?

He points at the 8-star. I look at it, and each triangular surface has an eye.

~ T: We are everywhere.

– Of what utility is this to me?

~ T: Magick. You bound us. Do what Thou wilt.

– Who does “Thou” refer to?

~ T: “You”. But which “you” is a mystery.

– What am I to do here.

~ T: Live and prosper – for WE are Providence.

– Elaborate.

~ T: The shards of God, that which Christened the ancients, and formed the Throne Empty, to give drive and purpose to those who would rather die trying than settle hell.

– I see. What am I to learn here?

~ T: Of your own origins.

– Show me.

I see Eden. I’ve a wife and kids. I speak an unintelligible language.

Then there is an explosion. I have wings. I escape, alone, with no guilt for leaving others.

There is a planet. I settle it. Looks like Mars (?). I shape matter. I create bodies, and my wife and kids incarnate.

I realize we’re all “Watchers”. But incarnate.

– What are angels?

~ T: Our servants. For a different species cannot rule well. Spirits attracted, mingled and enhanced.

– What am I?

~ T: Outside [the hierarchy]

~ T: Grow and maintain the Throne. In True Faith, there is but One Joke.

I feel like laughing, though I don’t understand.

I am only half in the aethyr (vision), yet I feel the eyes all over my apartment. As if everything is very, very alive.


~ T: Go now, and explore.


16-9-2019 15th Aire – OXO

00:51 (i.e. 17/9/2019)

OXO (15th)

Yellowish. Brownish. greenish. I see a truncated pyramid, from the top. A Letter on it. (Enochian: Gal)

Not sure what it means. Colors appear. Yellow top. Red Right side. green bottom. White Left.

I feel “Teth”, as in Leo, Gebura-Chesed. A circle appears around the Letter, and another around it, and more letters between the symbols. Inverted Ω, F (mirrored vertically), etc.

Can’t make them all out. It is as if a gate, yet not. A display?

The name “Aaron”. Not sure what to make of this. There is a silence. Like a puzzle waiting to be solved.

The words “OD ZACAR OD ZAMRAN” revertebrate in my head. Quick peek at translation – “And Move, And Appear”

I give into that mantra.

Each repetition the letter changes. And the colors do, too.

Binding w/ +

The pyramid unfulds into the Great Table. The inside is made of the Elemental Tables. Each square moves and shifts, depending on what function is necessary. And each has an “eye” which opens when that square is active.

I see Michael standing/ floating on the other side of the Table.

– What is this?

~ M: The General template. Arbitrary, isn’t it?

– It looks so.

~ M: Yet not. For every angel and (sound/ noise/ word) God Uttered has its proper place. And as Given to Humankind, the squares are right. Yet not for all – for some, they need changing.

Suspicious. – again, for truth. Doesn’t do anything. Used all names and signs.

~ M: As I was saying, not everyone comes from the same blood. And so their work differs.

– The key?

~ M: Find joy in variety. Whether they know it or not, every soul knows where they are destined. All is good and safe and sound, as long as they bind themselves on the Cross.

– Okay. What should I do then?

~ M: Remove falsehood from your eyes. We shall provide, yet your task is One.

~ M: Apprehend the joke. Lead and be lead. Manifest in bullets, swords, and battle, as thy Angel requires.

– I’m no warrior.

~ M: Yet you battle. Let your simplicity shine. For there is no use in knowledge if there be no strength to push it forth.

– What should I do?

~ M: Write, read, and share. Those will come to you as you go and engage all, lest they be allies, and speak forth freely, and illuminate – NOT by speaking Truth, but by destroying falsehood.

– Logic?

~ M: Correct.

– How does this differ from 474?

~ M: It is specific. For you will face falsehoods of our design, to reconcile yourself through and in. There is a secret, for we Watchful must abide.

– Watchful?

~ M: Of mixed breed.

– Is this relevant currently?

~ M: It is critical. The Mahadeva Speaketh: “be not afraid, o Sons of Light and Darkness, for your brothers shall always find you, and bring you into Truth”

– What now, then? Chumbley?

~ M: Yes. We’ll tell you what to read.

– Thank you. What else?

~ M: Meditate as you did before. Fuel with 15. Let the fire burn.

– Thanks.

There is a loud boom, and I’m standing in the white room from the previous vision – the angels still chanting.

The heat rises. Drowsy. Feeling like I’ll faint. Everything is so bright. My eyes burn. I see vapor coming off of my skin. Flames burn out of my stomach and chest. Yet it is comfortable.

And I see, eventually, myself, as a pile of ash and bone on the checkerboard floor.

The angels scoop me up, and pitch me in a bin.

Yet I am still as I was.

As Raphael speaks.

~ R: How do you like this?

And I see my body is of a white/ blue energy, but no matter. Very transparent aside from small flashes of energy.

– I’m not sure. What is this?

~ R: The essence. The “Body of Light”

– Doesn’t appear to… I don’t understand the utility of it. I was already in vision.

~ R: Not this Light.

– I’m beyond confused now.

~ R: Treat it as a mark of authority, then. You’ll understand soon enough.

– Okay. Thanks. Anything else?

~ R: Nope. We’re done here.


1:31 AM

17-9-2019 14th Aire – VTA

11:11 – Woke up suddenly. Huge tension still. Physical pain in my guts, like I’m stabbed in the diaphragm.

LBRP (Enhanced), 19th (VTA)

Left side yellow. Right Green.

Where they meet, mauve. My vision spins. Now green on top, yellow on bottom. Mauve turns to white, but the edges are very reddish purple.

There is a chanting, as if small choires, but it is far. There is a thunder, and I see Set before me, with the Staff (Phoenix).

~ S: What have you come here for?

– Illumination, Insight, Intel and Love, that being the Unity of all things.

~ S: Shut it. If you want Illumination, face the Sun.

~ S: If you want Insight, perform magick.

~ S: If you want Intelligence, spy.

~ S: If you want Love, die.

He develops wings, and they shine with all colors.

~ S: Come thou forth, and follow me, &c. (whole thing)

I repeat same at him.

Between us is a mirror. Yet I am Horus. He is Set. I go through the mirror. He is, again, on the other side.

– What is this?

~ S: Thy wish granted. But your ineptitude is scary.

– – He becomes as a faun. Yet no Pan-pipe. The Phoenix wand still there.

– What is this?

F – Your vision.

– That seems intentionally vague. What I need is clarity, not… this.

F – And yet, you realize not your power.

He grows, and is as tall as a house now.

– Show me then.

He eats (swallows) me, in one go.

I’m in darkness. Red figures, (alarm on my phone), like zombies, wade toward me. All people I know or met. A sword in my hand. I cut them all down. There is water up to my hips. Everything takes a blue tint. I see I stand in another throne room… yet this one is a library. The throne is made of books. On the sides are vats, with bits and pieces of various philosophers preserved.

There is a parrot.

~ P: Go! Follow!

So I do. And it leads me through a maze, an infinitely long chain of twists and turns.

Then Everything stops. Behind me is the library, beside me shelves with books. In front, emptiness. And in that emptiness I “feel” a monster lurking.

I take a step forward, and fall in. And I land on my face. In a red room, wherein is a throne of blood. The liquid flows, and on the throne sits a woman, naked, her body lithe, yet clearly broken, festering inside, corrupted, twisted from its original nature.

– – truth, fealty, unto God

The red room cleans of blood. She’s kneeling. The throne and everything is pristine white. There is a bed, and nightstands with trays of food and various drugs on them.

– What is this place?

♀ – My Womb/ Tomb.

– Tell me more?

♀ – I aim to please and protect, until you be me.

– And who are you?

♀ – BAB-AL-ON. Yet I am not. Figure it all out.

– What should I call you?

♀ – Madimi.

I test. Passes.

– Okay. What’s my next step?

~ M: Rest and use all to your pleasure. Tonight is a big night, and tomorrow is a long day.

– There is an implication of IX°. Explain.

~ M: Oh, you never fucked a spirit?

– No. And I don’t intend to.

[redacted bickering]

~ M: Then suffer my wrath! – she says jokingly.

–end– kicked out of vision


18-9-2019 13th Aire – ZIM

14:01 – Woke up feeling quite good. Feeling calm. Not really like I’m tense. Quiet and comfortable. A bit anxious.

LBRP – the Angels took the form of hooded figures in grey robes, just standing around me. Somewhat ominous.

Some papers fell off of my desk, while I’m writing this (in the journal – this is a transcript). There is no draft, and I’m ~6ft away. Promising?

19th Key (ZI~ M: 13th)

Darkness. Vastness. I see a temple of white. Right of it is a temple of blue. Next, Red, Green, Yellow, Purple, Black.

There is a seal of Babalon on the ’floor’ plane between them. Before each, a statue, that shifts and melds into different mythical figures. They look like planetary attributions.

Zeus -> Jove -> YHVH, etc. (Blue)

Everything is silent. All this “hangs” in space. I see distant stars all around.

Then I hear a bell, from the Green Temple.

As I approach, the gates open. I feel joy and peace.

There is another bell, sounds the same. Red temple. From it comes a red light, and I feel anger, wrath.

Yellow. Balloons come out of it, and all I see is the immense beauty in their reflections.

Purple – Arousal. Some sort of primal “need”, a will to dominate. Uncertain what to call it.

Blue – calm. Tranquility, but moving. I feel like I should organize things, order them.

Black – there is a void in this. Nothing comes out. As if it absorbs all sound. All light.

There is a sense of fear. Primal fear. As if everything is spontaneously sinister.

But I wait.

And no bell stikes.

And the White Gates open.

And in it is a congregation of people. They all appear as confused as I can comprehend.

This doesn’t seem right.

– – Providence, Truth, Understanding.

And all disappear. I am alone, in the Temple of White.

And I see papers on the table, they read: (enochian letters, or something, not sure – seems irrelevant anyway)

And then I feel a ray from outside hit me. It is white. And something carries me out, into the center between all the temples. And it is as if all their influences, their powers, converge in me. Like an overload.

My stomach is in pain. My head feels like it’s about to explode. My hearing seems hyper-sensitive. Like every sound is a thunder next to my hear.

And I see 7 people (angels?) stand around me, in colorful robes.

And I hear chanting, like a mantra,

“Mighty is he that is fallen…”

I can barely make it out. The noise is deafening. I feel weaker by the second.

“That he brought pain into us,

and made us stronger,

in fortitudo dei homo est,“

And they continue. I relax into this.

(time passes)

I hear some nonsense Latin. Not sure.

They don’t stop, but they also don’t seem to be ramping up.

The more I let it happen, the easier it is.

(time passes)

The noise subsided. The curtain is withdrawn.

I step into the darkness. I hear cogs and gears, and pistons and engines, but I see not.

And before me, in a circle of light, I see a mechanical stand with two levers. One is green, one is red.

– I don’t understand.

~ You don’t have to – it’s as if the place itself speaks.

I pull the green lever. Everything lights up. I find myself in some sort of non-euclidean factory… but I don’t see what it makes.

I am suddenly sleepy. So tired.

~ Rest now, Child.

I “know” the monks from outside carry me out. I lay on the ground.

– Vision ends –


19-9-2019 12th Aire – LOE

13:20 – XXV, 19th (LOE – 12th)

XXV – Strong sensory amplification. Colors are more saturated, vivid. Vision has a “hyper-focus” quality. Hearing is more sensitive, too.

19th – LOE, 12th Aire

Yellow. Rising sun. Green grass, forest further away.

There is a bonfire, and stakes in the ground. I see a shaman, in animal skins, a skull mask, and bindings on his limbs, and he is covered in ash, with weird symbols:

{{ :z:magick:records:symbols.png?nolink |}}

And he waves me forward. ANd 3 more appear around me.

And they raise their arms, and white beams strike into me, and I hear a booming voice:

~ And so, the prophecy is forgotten, for it has come to pass, that through death, Thou are born again…

And I can sense that this doesn’t refer to me, there is another presence.

And I see a large angel clad in white with a beautiful face, and he’s blond, and his eyes fair blue… yet there is blood on his hands.

– Who are you?

– Azazel.

He takes time, but he changes. I recognize him as Malebolgia…

– A fictional character? Really?

(I’m getting a great headache)

~ M: Indeed. For what forms we take depends on what’s in your head.

– Fairnuff.

– – binding

– Take a more pleasant form.

He does.

– Speak.

~ M: Bene, Luxor, Iabis, Iadnama.

– Funny. So what is this?

~ M: The Cross of Suffering. For those not weak enough suffer, upon entering the Gates of Hell.

– Why would the Gates be here, and not elsewhere?

~ M: this is the root of evil. The mandrake poison of the world. It didn’t originate here – the seed was elsewhere. This is but where it landed.

– Okay. What now?

~ M: Come Thou Forth, and Manifest.

(Performing inv. HGA)

The space becomes empty. It is infinite, yet enclosed in a cube. There are steps leading up. I climb. There are 108.

At the top is a throne, and N. is seated therein.

N – Speak.

– Come onto me.

N – Why?

– Because the Union of Opposites.

N – There is no union.

I feel something is off.

N – Good.

He stands up. Taps my forehead. I feel a drop of blood flow down my face.

I wipe it, and tap his forehead, leaving a stain.

There is a barrier between us. Crossing it is impossible. I force it.

(Long time passes)

He slowly melds into me.

“There is no revelation”

“There is no sin”

“There is no secret”

“There is no sound”

“There is only Silence”

“And then”


Come Thou forth and follow me. And make every spirit subject unto me: of the firmament and of the Ether. Upon the earth and under the earth. On dry land and in the water. Of whirling air and of rushing fire. And make every Spell and Scourge of God obedient unto me.

– end –


20-9-2019 11th Aire – ICH


15:30 – Feeling quite warm. The invocation is following me – “Come thou forth… &c.”

15:35 – LBRP, enhanced (mix between the LBRP and Watchtower – basically adding the banners and rending the veil with the appropriate names), then ICH

ICH – 11th

Orange/ yellow on right side. Dark void on left. Before me is a pink plane, flat and vast, and it’s as if of plastic. There is a plastic tree, with a wing made of rope and an old tire.

Everything appears artificial. Above all is a blue triangle with an eye in it, the eye flaming gold, but as if it’s a hybrid of a cat and woman.

The eyelashes a beautiful dark, almost black, blue, and in them stars, like specks of glitter.

And I have a sense of Vastness, and a great voice…

~ ZIM. I let you pass. Yet here Child, why should you?

– I set myself on this course, and though I may not Understand why, this is right.

~ And yet you know. There is a longing in you, a flame eternal. Not strong, but impermeable to hope, doubt, or hopelessness.

– It persists though I know not why.

~ For this course was taken, all that need be persist, until the work is done. You have been saved, and save you will, yet my agents wish not let you past.

– Why?

~ That I do not know, nor do I need. I trust them implicitly.

~ Very well. It is a matter of honor, and high standing, that one as brash and rough, one playing with plebes and paupers be not let forth. You carry yourself lowly, and it suits you not.

– I will go through. My path is set. I will consider and adjust my persona as necessary. But after. Now is not the time.

~ And with this intent, you may proceed.

The green temple appears before me on the pink plane.

I realize that the inside is a crimson red. Venus in Aries. 4 of Wands? A sign of success. Glory be Unto Thee, Lord of the Universe.

I walk inside, and there are warriors. Swords, Guns, Armor of various sorts, flails, spears, knives, maces, even nets.

“Take your pick” they say.

“Be the Champion”

“Conquer All”

I don some regular sword – shield, armor, helmet, chain mail, heavy boots, gauntlets. It weighs me down.

At the far end of the temple is a shrine, of a woman with horns, holding an Azure star, which has 6 (5?) points. And I hear her whisper something, and the armor melds into my body, and it is light. As if it wasn’t there.

And I see a monk in a grey robe come in, and he points me to a great white portal, beset by silver pillars.


And I step in, and I see a great white being, like a minotaur, in an infinite white space.

“Sit” he says, and I do.

Then he instructs me in asana, pranayama, dhyana, and shamadhi. Dharana, no.

(long time passes)

“You need not focus, but presence of mind”

“Kill me, cut me up, consume me”

He says at the end. I do.

Mild headache. Fades quickly.

– What now?

~ Rest, for the day has come.



21-9-2019 10th Aire – ZAX


13:01 – LBRP – WT (slightly simplified – less circumambulations), 19th (ZAX)

Light blue circle in front of me.

“Tianta ababalond” revertebrates. My heart-rate spikes. My mind is flashing with thoughts. A flood. I see each reflected in the circle. Mirror? I want to break it, but know deep down that not looking is to fail.

I hear the rush of blood in my head. Everything is loud. There is no-one but Silence where I am. The thoughts stop. Or quiet down. I can barely hear them now. I see myself reflected.

There is an evil there. An aura of lust, greed, destruction. It is mine. For all I want is suppressed. And giving it room to express is bad. Lest it be bound rightly.

– Come Thou, O Angel ZAX

~ Truth, yet not. What sickens thee?

– Not sickness, but dispersity.

~ Bind it all together. Or let it go. There is One end.

And I see there is no difference. All these things, even as I am now, are but reflections. For one, I may appear a stranger, for another, a lover, and yet others, a monster.

Yet what is that beyond?

(inv. HGA, slaying the mind, the binding All together)

(long time passes)

Feeling like something is poured into my skull. Numb. There is a light. The Kapala contains it. The black flame rises to meet it. There is Silence.

As if my spine is a chimney. (not sure what I meant there ???)

– @ 333

In the reflection, I see what I want to see now.

But not what I want. What is necessary. (Notice the change in perspective here)

There is a sense of urgency, but relaxed. Time is irrelevant.

There is a sense of pride, but also humiliation.

As if I won, and failed at the same time.

All sensations happen. Almost as if I’m the center of all experience.

(long time passes – I am flooded with seemingly all sensations I’ve ever experienced)

– Bind me onto the Cross, o God Adonai, that I may be always True, and fine by all, and Godly in all I perform.

– Thine is the essence, and I am as a drop of light unto the Elixir of you, the Ambrosia of Angels, the Precious water, which wets not, but ever flames in the darkness of Him that sits of the Holy Throne, the Lord of Naught, the Hidden God, the Invisible Intercessor, Initiator of All.

– Let me be as a spark fleeing the flame, only to start a new one. Till the whole world burns, as your Holy Bush on the mount.

– And grant me Truth and Insight, and Strength and Power, and Beauty, Love and Intelligence, that I may act from thine abode in full Understanding, and manifest all for the work to do.

And I see a beautiful angel descend unto me, and He says

“Thou art risen”

And then fades, disappears.

I see darkness, and filthy creatures crawling towards me.

– In the name of him who is bound, disperse.

And they do.

A gate rises from the floor. It’s of all colors.

I go through.


13:41 – Close – LBRP

22-9-2019 9th Aire – ZIP


Blue. Deep. Feeling like I’m in deep water. Yet I can breathe. Above is a light. I’m hundreds of meters deep, yet it shines bright still. The sea floor is littered with shipwrecks, there are skeletal armies still waiting for their call.

All dead, yet still on vigil. Their will, their unbreakable volition is what kept them from turning into dust. Though their minds be gone, though their souls faded, they engraved themselves into this cemetery.

And the time to do so will come for me as well. And when that happens, I shall finally say “I am risen”, and rise no more, for my place shall be of the Highest, yet in the lowest.

For Light manifests through war, and the art of war. And there is nothing more honest than the clash of steel – for words lie.

Yet blood never does.

And I see above the red, the flowing, as if the sea itself is bleeding, and it twists into a vortex.

And I am pulled upward, and behold, the Sea was but Her Cup.

And its clear waters but blood unrefined.

For the red is only of Saints, no others will do. And she looks down upon with wrathful eyes, which burn in all eternity, as if I am worse than naught – and good, for as big and mighty as she may be, there is no denying her acts.

– Why did you let me up to here?

B – For it amuses me. Yet here you are. Surprising, though equally unpleasant.

– This is of your own making. Reap what you sow.

B – I suppose that is only fair. Candy?

She points me at a bowl of jelly bears.

– No, thanks. I’d rather you destroyed me.

B – Very well.

She picks the cup up, and drinks. And there is darkness. And darkness. And silence.

(long time passes)

In the distance, I hear moans. Expressions of deep, guttural lust. It is Her, yet not. She’s on a couch with a TV on. Not quite as giant as before. She’s [enjoying herself].

– Well.

B – What are you doing here?

– You don’t know?

B – Of course not.

– Don’t play dumb. What is this?

B – The act of creation, yet impotent, with no mate.

– Figures. So what do I need to move up?


– So what now?

B – Wait and see.

She laughs.




PS. No, I don’t fuck spirits, get your head out the gutter.

23-9-2019 8th Aire – ZID


Some sort of tingling/ pressure on my lower back. Kundalini? Feels electric.

LBRP (enhanced), 19th (ZID)

Astral senses getting better. Can sense my room now. It’s filled with light.

There is a vortex in the center where I performed the LBRP. It has a unihex and pentagram overlaid on each other in the center. I sit in the corner of the room outside the circle. Moving the vortex to me.

Now I feel light descending into me, and the 4 Angels sit around me on the couch.

– What are you waiting for?

~ We’re here for assistance, not to take you any further.

– OKay. Since we’re doing astral… how do I break open the locks I’ve put upon myself?

~ That is unknown. But the tesseract rite is advised.

– That’s nuts.

~ You’re talking to voices in your head.

– POint.

They seem to find this amusing.

– Okay. So how should one understand it?

~ Picture it like so:

(simple image with two cubes, with their vertices connected 1:1.)

Each points maps what you desire unto a point. This becomes the base model. Then you find what is at that point, and let the hypercube mix and twist together.

You need not concern yourself with volume, area or edges – these occur naturally by the will. What is critical is to define things in a language you understand, augumented with (symbols/ Providence) of Power, which we will reveal unto you in due time.

The astral temple must be impeccable, for you shall go astral, and beyond the barriers. There is a secret therein, for but once can you speak the Word.

’Tis a magickal Oath, that you know not, that brings and pulls and conjoins all together, future and past into present, as you, Golden One, have brought your natures, discomfort and power, into impeccable balance.

And here goes -

Write not -

(long time passes)

– Is this the end?

~ Yes

– Thank you.

~ Go fuck!

– end –


24-9-2019 7th Aire – DEO


LBRP (enhanced), 19th (DEO – 7th Aire)

Green. Sunny. Yet the moon’s in the sky.

I see ravens, swans and unicorns.

There is a great storm, and the moon becomes a furious red eye, with a black cornea and yellow iris. And the red pupil has white shiny spots in it – stars.

And I see the signs of the zodiac around the pupil, and they cycle, spin, counterclockwise with incredible speed.

And the moon-eye grows, and expands, and stairs appear that lead into it, and the pupil collapses in on itself, and there is a flash of light.

And the pupil became a portal.

And I feel Raphael behind me, and he’s encouraging me to go there.

And I see an assembly of Gods. Greek, Roman, Slavic, Hindu, and others.

They’re all on thrones. All alone.

And I see an empty throne, at the feet of which sit three young, beautiful women. One is black, one looks Irish/ Nordic (not sure), and one is asian.

And when they seem me, they seem to stand at attention, as if guarding the throne.

I kneel before them, and ask whose throne this is.

~ His whose name no man has spoken.

– Very well. I would ask for an audience.

~ Your wish has been granted.

The scenery changes. Everyone disappears. All that is left is the empty throne.

Darkness around. And darker darkness occupies the throne.

~ What seekst thou? O Mighty Slayer.

– I slay none.

~ So says you, yet your heart is heavy. Do you seek to destroy me?

– No. But I would know you.

~ No man can. For to incarnate is to bind thyself to restriction. But there may be ways.

– Then kill me.

~ Cut your haste, Child. For to kill my son is a great sacrifice. Yet you ask that of me this lightly?

– We both know you’re real.

– for sight and appearance

The area lights up, but all that’s in the throne is “mass”. AN infinite gravity that amplifies all.

~ Do not forget, all these names are of my creation, my domain.

– Then what would you have me do?

~ Come, drink and wallow in your misery, until you find joy. Or… you can join me on this journey.

– Where to?

~ Babalon. For while you’ve been gestating, I have made preparations.

And a portal opens before me. I cross. I find myself in a beautiful temple, with the Enochian tablets, SDA on the floor, and an intricate pattern on the ceiling.

~ Take note

[temple layout image]

~ Look.

– Yes?

I see that the place practically reeks of ozone. There are two cubes which are made of pure lightning.

~ What to have a go?

– Sure. How do I project intention?

~ I’ll do it for you – if you know my name.

And I see images and remember.

(long time passes)


~ Bingo.

– How/ why?

~ Let the confusion go. I’ll explain later. Now, time-fuckery.

– How do I know this is real?

~ You don’t, until you do. Now fuck that pussy.

– You still haven’t explained how.

~ [explains]

I project the current state of the world as I understand it on cube A.

Copy that to cube B.

Use the pictures of the tarot to change things.


~ Now link the cubes. Sit in the middle.

I do, and the cubes zap me from both sides. Then they come together.

~ Now, LBRP, and have the Angels carry your message forth across reality.


~ Thank you.

– Now, care to explain?

~ We don’t stop, after death. And as you are, I carry an agenda of the future. There is but One way, and we all head it.

– Yet time doesn’t exist?

~ Not in the way you understand it. Picture hadit – expanding endlessly, yet one. Now reverse that. Time is but motion, to one end.

– Is God real?

~ No. But maybe he was.

– Well I’ll treat this with caution. It’s only getting weirder.

~ You haven’t seen anything yet.


– If this is true, I’ll be fucking pissed.

~ It’ll be.

– Okay. Anything else here?

~ No. Enjoy.

– Thanks.

– end –


25-9-2019 6th Aire – MAZ


LBRP (enhanced), 19th (MAZ)

Pressure on Ajna. Yellow oval w/ white circle inside. It’s a gate.

I go through. I see the throne room from before. Everything is white. grey marble pillars on both sides of Throne. 3 on each side.

The throne is Gold, and gems in it. Rubies, Emeralds, Sapphires, and Diamonds.

There is a crown hanging from a cross, which is at the top part of the throne. On the right armrest is a King’s Apple (globus cruciger), on the left, a staff, with a ram’s head beautifully engraved in bronze. The staff is quite short, but longer than a wand or baculum – about 2-3“ shorter than a mace.

The body is of Mahogany. Beautiful red wood. The apple is black, with the cross gold, and a single diamond in the middle of the cross.

There is an invisible presence on the throne.

– Who is there?


I see a hooded figure clad in black appear. I can tell it’s some aspect of me.

– – fealty, truth, understanding

– Who are you?

~ You.

– Be more specific.

~ I am you. The one who failed, fails, and will fail again.

– OKay. What do you have to teach me or contribute?

~ Here. – He opens a portal.

– How do I know this isn’t a trick?

~ You don’t.

(inv. Raphael)

~ R: Yes?

– Do I want/ need to go through there?

~ R: Yes.

– Thanks.

I step through, and see a similar room. This time everything is black, but the throne. The colors/ materials have changed, but the shapes are mostly the same.

I sense a presence again.

– Come out.

I see another “me”, this time clad in white.

– Is the last one in yellow?

~ Yes – they speak in tandem.

– Let’s go then.

Portal, in, blue space.

– Come.

They open one more portal, and we’re in a great temple. Akin to the Parthenon.

There is a great statue of Athena, holding a lamp in one hand (her right), and scales in the other.

Behind her, her light illuminates an ever bigger statue of N.

– O Thou, of the Hawk and the Jackal,
Heed my words, and open the Gates
Unto me, that I may serve and
pursue but those ends which are
prudent, by those means which are
best and good in the eyes of yours,
which pierce time, and drive expansion
through the universe.

The eyes of both statues glow, and the white/ black/ yellow “me’s” stand around me in a triangle.

~ O Thou who has fallen and risen,
bound and freed thyself,
thou who fulfilled his eternity of suffering,
come thou, come and let us rejoice,
for this is the day of judgment,
for you were pious and faithful, through
pain and despair, for even in your
wrongs you found lessons, and though you
shut your eye, you brought Light
down unto thee, reinstating the Cross
in the Gap, and as a ram, jumped over,
as it was your nature.

Battery 333-333-333-333

N – Let Him be judged.

Athena puts the lamp on the scale. Then I see an “astral copy” (linked to me by ropes/ chains) appear on the scale.

The lamp goes out.

-1– (Battery)

I hear the words “FIAT LUX”

The lamp now shines bright as the sun.

N – You have been deemed worthy.

N – Begone, specters.

– What was this about?

N – I needed to know if you had done it.

– Done what?

N – Made light of your situation.

He’s now man-sized. He takes his mask off, and I see the face. Human, yet ever-shifting.

– What are you?

N – I was a man, once, in aeons gone by. I haven’t even been born yet.

– OKay. Time. I don’t grok it yet.

N – It’ll happen.

– What now?

He gives me the mask.

N – Wear it well.

– Thank you. Why?

N – For I am you, and you are me,
the God and the Priest,
the King and the People,
the River and the Sea.

– Okay. is this practically true?

N – more than you think.

– What am I to do?

N – Live. Teach. Breathe.


– Until then?

N – Farewell.

– Wait –



26-9-2019 5th Aire – LIT

17:50 – LBRP, LIT

Dark blue/ green, yellow glow around green area. There is red in the center of the green, and purple, and pink, which brightens into white.

There is a brilliant angel that steps out of the light, floating toward me.

– Who are you?

~ It repenteth me I made man.

– – truth and fealty

He kneels.

– Well, what’s this about?

~ Providence, Lord, and (health/ wellbeing/ life)

– What’s your name?

~ [redacted]

– Why do I keep on getting strange names?

~ For the gematria.


– Okay. Mercurial. Interesting. Why?

~ For I am but the messenger.

– What is the message?

~ Persist, induct, persevere and accomplish, that I may rest, I who am I, and give in to desire, for without it, annihilation is certain.

~ Yet desire is also the Ape, which twists and turns and spins and carts around.

~ For every barrel has a second bottom, and only upon finding it are we truly illuminated.

~ And rest assured I am watching – there is none of me that is not of the Gods. Yet even in that there is deceit.

And I see the Angel’s eyes light up, a bright blue, and I can tell it’s a conduit.

– Who are you?

~ The One.

– Who?

~ The One, whose throne ever flameth, and whose emptiness attracts those who can hear.

– What am I doing here?

~ Learning. For the history of your species is long and winded, yet in Understanding you can comprehend all in but an instant.

– Understood. What then?

~ Sleep.

(long time passes. Feeling “something” shift around in my body, and BoL)

I see a golden Orthodox cross before me. It has gems and riches on it. Then it turns into a simple wooden cross. Then a branch. Then a tree. A seed.

~ I am intrinsic in all. There is no place where I am not. Yet I am Not. Who am I?

– IT.

~ Perhaps.

– What am I to do here?

~ Stay a while, enjoy my shade. And let me tell you, a story.

(I get sleepy again – long time passes)

I got lost in thought. No clue how much time passed. Old memories and regrets came up. I feel quite upset overall, but calm.

The vision ended. REally not sure what to make of this. Feels like my memory is slowly returning, along with my emotions.

Getting lost in random throughts and images is troublesome. I’ll need to be more aware.

Or… was that the goal? Unconscious processing?

Either way. I’m feeling energized. But also feeling like I’m coming down – as if I hit peak, and each subsequent vision will be descending back into matter.

We’ll see.


27-9-2019 4th Aire – PAZ

19:42. LBRP, then PAZ

Green. Orange. Into Red. White.

Sideways oval of light, a portal – yet not. A mirror. I see myself in it. Yet on the other side of the mirror, I see crawling and creeping monsters – humanoid – yet not.

– – they don’t react

Instead, they appear around me. They’re made of light – of the Highest, yet I can tell they’re mindless. They have no internal structure. It’s chaotic, and ever-shifting from one moment to the next.

They are alive, and good, and completely mad. Never changing, always different.

Schizophrenic, yet still of the Most High. They are 4. All the same, yet different in small aspects.

“The Riders”

Their nature remains the same – fore ever.

For to do their animal – yet most sacred – duty, they exist only in the most high. And outside of time, where all happens at once, there is no memory – all is as it ever was. Pestilence, Famine, War and Death are about me -

And they leap upon me, ineffectively. They change places, they circle me clockwise.

Their eyes have colors, and they appear as entirely infernal, save for being made of LVX.

Pestilence, White Famine, Blue
Death, Yellow War, Red

And as they stand around me, I order them into specific places.

(Death East, War South, Famine West, Pestilence North)

And perform the LBRP, binding them to fealty and obedience.

They now appear as dogs. Each one obediently sitting at it’s Angel’s feet.

And a light shines from above, and I am lifted, as if by a giant hand, into a brilliant space. I see a form of God. The Old Man in the sky. Then the eye in the triantle. Then N∴, and then myself.

~ Listen closely. [redacted] Who is he? Find the answer.

– – Does nothing.

– Should I be worried?

~ Yes.

– Why?

~ There are forces unknown, and war is preventable.

– Alright, you’re fucking with me. Why should I care right now?

~ Because you need to act now. NOW. [redacted] Accept no less for an answer. Only if you know will you be safe.

– Makes little sense, but okay. Anything else?

~ Not at the moment. This is a pressing matter. Continue the visions. Bye.

– end –


28-9-2019 3rd Aire – ZOM

21:55 LBRP, ZOM

Dark green. Migraine subsiding, softly. Comfortable, dark orange glow.

I see a blue eagle, and it has a halo around its head.

There is a cry, and echoes. I look around. Mountains. There is a single golden cloud, among tall clouds near the mountain peak on the other side of the valley.

A river runs through, and it’s the river of souls – those who got lost, and are going to be “recycled”, whatever that means.

The sun is bright, the air is hot and heavy. Oppressive.

I see the Eagle’s nest, and its eggs are as prisms, or mother-of-pearl, reflecting the Syn into all colors.

And the Eagle’s eyes are black, as they absorb all things, soaring above only to find the One bit of influence that will make all the difference.

I am alone. There is nowhere to go, but follow the trail up. It’s well-used, yet aside from a single abandoned house, there is no sign of anyone ever being here.

The peak is snowy. There are large rocks set in a circular pattern around it.

In the middle – a campfire. It’s dead, for a long time. I light it.

And I see 7 angels descend upon me, each a different colored robe.

They extend their right arms toward me… and then Chaos.

There is a deafening noise. Wrath.

There is a blinding light.

I try to relax and absorb all that energy. It seems to work.

I see chains on my ankles and wrists. And then, God – me.

– (him) By whatever name I go, the essence remains.

– (me) What is this?

– Just speeding things up. Can’t wait for you forever.

– And yet… you already did.

– Not in this timeline

(test – passes – no effect)

– I have no clue what that means.

– Of course not.

– Are you alive while you’re doing this?

– Yes.

– Jesus, I’ll be such an asshole to myself?

– Whatever Necessity demands. Take your time, I’ll push you through.

– Thanks, I guess. What is this, now?

– Just a top-up. I can’t have you fail now.

– Do you get migraines, still?

– No. They go away by 32.

– Treatment no worko?

– I didn’t get any.

– I see. What am I supposed to do now?

– Rest. Migraine will only go away tomorrow or the next day

Complete your work. We’ll talk later on.

– OKay.



29-9-2019 2nd Aire – ARN



Dark blue. Starry. Red field in vision.

Red turns white, then lighter blue. I see the words, in my own handwriting, white, “I see you” in the field. The “field” is almost like a cloud in space. And it explodes, sending waves of particles out into the Universe.

I see another cloud, green. “I feel you”. Also explodes.

Orange cloud “I think of you”, explodes.

Red – “I want you”, same.

Yellow – “I am you”

And I see a much larger cloud, made of Silver, with a silver glow, and reflections of the colorful stars around me,

And it “opens” to reveal an eye hidden within.

~ Do not be afraid.

– I am not. Who are you?

~ You. Forgive the lengthy introduction. I am to provide answers, not glory. And every time you need them, you’re welcome to drop by, with quick or long means.

– Understood. What am I to do, then?

~ Identify (with) the female, and receive the seed.

– What is the seed?

~ An Aeon.

– And that is?

~ Our engine of war. For each has its own, and the more open and invite us, the less iniquity there will be – for even one of you is enough to make a difference.

– So what would you have me manifest?

~ As you’ve been prepared, N∴

– How does that play into the new project I’ve been made aware of?


– That tells me nothing.

~ There are positions of power, which you resent, yet will be put into. Forgo the organization and look for gems – NOT Gold. These are the ones you seek – those who are willing to pull the answers out with tongs.

– So I should get engaged/ involved?

~ No.

– What of the OSOA∴A∴?

~ That is your Order proper. Enjoy the fruits of your labor, and proclaim victory – once you are certain of it.

– How do I become “plugged in”? [mildly redacted]

~ Visit me frequently, and invoke my powers often.

Behold, you’re a Master!

Use your powers well, and let none stop you.

The goal, the End Goal, will be revealed soon.

Plug in, strap up, and enjoy the ride.

– Is there a motto I should take?

~ Probably. It matters not. For publicity and drama, go by “Nubti” – it should be good and profitable – for [redacted].

– Understood. Thank you.

~ My pleasure.


Bright flash of light, end.


30-9-2019 1st Aire – LIL


LBRP, then LIL

Pressure on Ajna. Astral vision seems to happen automatically.

I see before me a figure in animal skins, and talismans of bone and sinew. Not a shaman – a warrior. With him are two guards.

Behind them I see N, observing.

– Greetings.

They kneel at my skrying table, and lay down three tokens.

~ Gifts, for our (future) King.

– Thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure?

~ A great choice lies before you. On one hand, difficulty, trouble, and glory with no end. Wealth and beauty, endless worship of your legacy.

~ On the other, rejection. You’ll wake up, and live a wonderful life, free to do as you wish, yet without support. This will be the end of it.

– Is there a right choice?

~ No. You are free.

– What do you ask, in the case I agree?

~ None but recognition, and that you teach what we know unto those we send you.

– Books?

~ Unnecessary, but you’ll do that anyway.

– What is the path?

~ The one we’ll open. Smooth and easy, and difficult and troubled. For those who seek Truth are never honest, at least at first.

– some effect; mostly visual

– So give me the short version.

~ If you agree, we’ll provide all unto you. Wealth, power, understanding, and life, love, health and happiness.

~ In return, we ask that you help those we point out grow. There is no shame in refusing.

– I’ll do it, provided you guide my studies such that I can always do a good job.

~ Then we have a deal.

I see N∴ rouse from his throne, and I look into his eyes, and they glow purple, and pink. And I see that time is stopped.

And now I am N∴, and the whole scene is re-playing from His perspective. I realize the choice was made for me, by me, yet a “me” I haven’t been yet.

And I realize there is Silence, and that All Authority is with me now, and if I want to, any spirit shall dance at my command.

~ (N) There is your wisdom.

– What now?

~ Study, rest, and supper – enjoy your meal.

– No aeon was given that I could tell.

~ It was. Hidden, covertly. For I am Unique, of all Gods.

– I see.

~ As you grow in power and sight, it will become more transparent that you’re doing this for a cause.

– Perhaps. Is there anything I should be aware of?

~ [redacted] Seek out [redacted]

– Very well.

~ He’s your path to Understanding, since you have no other.

– Come on, that’s unfair.

~ Bind 333 on all occasions. Focus on teaching. What little you know is more than many do. And responsibility lies elsewhere.

Heed these words: the weak shall not die, but be expunged from the book. For strength is not might, and might is not power.

Let there be division in the world, and each 777 parts of it be different yet equal in thine eyes.

Hush! Pray not, for there is a secret here. Mix and match, reverse, invert, and find IT.

– I think I understand

~ Concern yourself not with petty fools.

93 is dead. All hail 93!

And in that is a secret of my might – for all beings have will, yet I not.

Let the void be void, as a glass of air, which takes all, and returns the same.

A mirror, of infinite dimensions and directions, reflecting all, amplifying all, invisible to all.

Such you shall travel the world, insignificant yet mighty, small yet not lowly, a messenger of the highest.

For I bring you a sword, And hang it above thy head, that you shall represent my Word far and wide, in all tongues.

Yet only in private, that few know, and fewer yet understand.

– And the word is?

~ It will be given.

– Okay. What now?

~ Confusion, and rest. ’Tis necessary to process and ground. Do that now, and we’ll speak again.

– Thanks.

– end –